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    Saying Goodnight

    Rose Wylde
    Rose Wylde


    Posts : 21
    Join date : 2013-01-07
    Age : 29

    Saying Goodnight Empty Saying Goodnight

    Post by Rose Wylde Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:14 am

    -A quick poem I wrote titled Saying Goodnight. Thoughts/critiques are appreciated, just be gentle. I hope y'all like it Smile There'll be more poems to come.

    And he says things like "Your body is beautiful."
    He holds me, warm sun rays wrapped around a tin can
    reflecting the combined light out to the world.
    And he says things like "You're the light of my life."
    I search for him in the darkness,
    he finds me with ease, my lips his true north.
    And he says things like "You're perfect,"
    caresses my face, brushes back my hair,
    a happy bystander to a poetic tragedy.
    And he says things like "I miss you"
    I, hovering in the depths of his thougts,
    the ghost of his hands on my skin.
    And he says things like "You're mine."
    "I could listen to your voice for hours."
    "Your laugh is adorable."
    "I trust you."
    "Sweet dreams."
    And he says things like "I love you."
    Suddenly, words can't do the feeling justice.
    The corners of my mouth push my cheeks toward my eyes
    And I say things like "I love you, too."
    "Goodnight."

    Wesley Crow
    Wesley Crow
    Admin


    Posts : 88
    Join date : 2013-01-07
    Age : 31
    Location : Tis' a secret

    Saying Goodnight Empty Re: Saying Goodnight

    Post by Wesley Crow Sun Jan 13, 2013 12:51 am

    First things first, awesome volume of posting Rose! I like it. If we all posted like you this place would be bustling with wonderful content.

    This is a really good poem actually. The pacing of it really picks up at the end. Speaking of spoken word poetry, this would sound good read aloud. One of my biggest flaws as an art student is being too nice, and while it would be doing you a kindness to tear your work apart I am blind to its imperfections. Critique will come with time but you are quite talented. Keep writing!

    I may give this to people I like in the future and make them smile.
    Rainkyusen
    Rainkyusen


    Posts : 38
    Join date : 2013-01-14

    Saying Goodnight Empty Re: Saying Goodnight

    Post by Rainkyusen Thu Jan 17, 2013 11:30 am

    For some reason this poem strikes me as being sad. Like the girl in the beginning feels suspicious of her man and develops and attitude of distrust like what he is saying and the compliments he gives are all empty but by the end of the poem she admits that even through these doubts she still loves him. I find that thought to be very sorrowful.

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    Saying Goodnight Empty Re: Saying Goodnight

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